Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
