if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
