I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
