I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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