you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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