Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
