It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
