If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
