and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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