Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we're making bets on your personal life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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