i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
