I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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