Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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