just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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