i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize