after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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