I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
