she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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