Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
