i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
