if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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