Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I made him laugh his dick is mine
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
