his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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