i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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