I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize