Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
