i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
