I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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