I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
