I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
