are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
