Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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