Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
