Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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