does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
