I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
