Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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