I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
