So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
