I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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