turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How external is "for external use only"?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize