dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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