but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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