fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
