Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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