I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
