I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
