So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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