there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
