looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
