This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
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What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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