I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
