38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
