Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
