her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
