wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
