if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
