just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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