We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
