There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
