Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
