and she was petting her beer can
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
